SFGate.com:

By Peggy F. Drexler, Ph.D.

...As a research psychologist and a heterosexual, long-married mother, I set out to study a new breed of mothers: lesbian couples raising sons. Could boys prosper through the power of mothers alone? How would these boys develop a moral compass, a positive sense of themselves as male and confident independence without the presence of a father who knows best?

...Good parenting, the new family values show, is not anchored to gender. Parenting is either good or deficient, not male or female. A good female parent will change diapers and coach soccer, helping her children develop their full potential as long as she encourages their growth, independence and sense of adventure. A good male parent will coach soccer and change diapers, listen to his kids' worries and hopes, and in general be as involved with his children in the home as outside it. Soon the verbs "to mother" as well as "to father" may well be replaced by the verb "to parent."

As the sons of lesbians tell us, boys have an innate ability to become men, a capacity that good parenting by males or females can nurture. They do not need a single male role model in-house to teach them how to hit a ball or become men. Nor do girls need a female on the premises to show them how to be women. So-called masculine and feminine qualities are in fact human qualities and can be nurtured by either moms or dads. In fact, research specializing in adolescence and the sex lives of teenagers has found that girls' self-esteem often plummets with the imposition of rigidly defined gender roles, more likely causing some to become teenage mothers and high-school dropouts.

Peggy F. Drexler, Ph.D., a research psychologist, writer and lecturer who worked as a Stanford University gender scholar from 1999-2003, is an advisory board member of the San Francisco Day School. Her forthcoming book, "Mothers Make Men" will be published by Rodale next spring.

She has published her research in the Village Voice, The Los Angeles Times, Newsday, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, The San Francisco Examiner, Bulletin of the Menninger Clinic, Gender and Psychoanalysis, In the Family and the Sherith Israel Journal on Gender. The Christian Science Monitor, Anchorage Daily News, and The Sacramento Bee have published her opinion pieces. She is often consulted as an expert on the changing American family, and the lives of boys, by publications such as The Los Angeles Times, The New York Times, USA Today, the Seattle Times and Child magazine, as well as by television journalists.

For the full text of the story, please go to: SFGate.com

Dr. Drexler's book is not yet available through Amazon to pre-order.

In the meantime, for additional resources, go to:

Partners Task Force for Gay & Lesbian Couples: BuddyBuddy.com

American Psychological Association References on Lesbian and Gay Parenting: APA.org

Book: The Lesbian Parenting Book: A Guide to Creating Families and Raising Children by D. Merilee, Ph.D. Clunis, G. Dorsey, Ph.D. Green

Book: For Lesbian Parents: Your Guide to Helping Your Family Grow Up Happy, Healthy, and Proud by Suzanne M. Johnson, Elizabeth O'Connor

Book: A Simple Path by Mother Teresa, Lucinda Vardey

Living in San Francisco, many of us have friends who are striving to help their kids thrive -- whether they are the gay couple, or the ex-husband or wife unexpectedly now part of a gay family unit.

To our friends with four boys, this one's for you.